a letter to my parents

dear mom and dad,
sometimes it's hard to believe you created me. i think you get surprised sometimes too
that we're so different.
i have been thinking about this a lot and
i want you to know how your votes have affected me and the people around me.

on election night i went to bed crying.
i had trouble falling asleep
because i was so anxious realizing he might actually win.
i woke up at 3am to someone outside my window
screaming on the sidewalk "Fuck Fuck Fuck" and i started crying all over again
as we checked our phones and saw
it was over.
somehow he won. i woke up again at 6am crying.
i walked the dog and
overheard 2 muslim children crying
as their mother told them
"no one is sending you anywhere."
i cried all morning. i got to work and my coworkers and i looked at each other
 and cried. i looked at my students' faces-- red, puffy, tear streaked.
we sat in circles and talked about our feelings. some were angry, some confused. some apathetic. some asked why our country is so racist. why don't white people care about us?
i heard stories from elementary school teachers
consoling crying 6 year olds and trying to explain
"why the bad guy won"
and i cried some more.

i listened to the news the morning of the inauguration and
as reality began to set in, more tears came.
every day i struggle to get out of bed. i have to tell myself
that i can do something to impact change, that
there's enough of us to stop him.
go to a rally, march all day
keep writing letters
keep signing petitions
keep calling
keep emailing
keep up with social media
keep up with the news
but we're 5 days in and
i already feel defeated and disheartened.
every day i have to talk myself out of just curling up in a ball and crying.
every day i have to convince myself that life is still worth living. and
i don't even if have it that bad. imagine the people who don't have my privilege.
imagine what they're going through.